An almost enough dream

Until many years later, facing the never-ending books on the shelf, I still clearly remember the distant and close afternoon that my father took me and my two younger brothers to the library of Xichang Teachers College to read.

This matter has to start from the natural environment, family environment and social environment, it is a long story, but no matter how long it is. The hometown of Dazhongba is sandwiched between two north-south mountains, one highway and one railway, connecting Chengdu to the north and Kunming to the south. My parents are farmers and I am the eldest of their four sons. My grandfather was an old-time scholar. He was proficient in chanting poems and choosing guis, and he was very proficient in writing. When I was n’t born, his old man once said eloquently: “I will teach him to practice writing brushes until my grandson can hold a pen.” Grandpa ’s and grandma ’s “rich farmers” status brought him one after another Criticism of the field. By the time I really jumped into this world, his old man was trapped in the mud of criticism, so how could he still teach me to learn? From the age of three, I started to watch chickens or ducks for my family on the land where the crops were harvested. There are forty or fifty in each group. These chickens and ducks taught me how to count numbers earlier. The elders expect of me is to account for the production team when they grow up. And my expectation is to be a movie showman, and there will be endless movies in my life.

After Fameng entered school, we went to school every day for half a day, and worked for the family the next day, playing pigweed or cattle. In the busy season, we can help at home for many days, and the teacher will not blame us. During the busy season, the school must uniformly release the agricultural holiday, which is a week or two. At that time, the purpose of rural children going to primary school was basically to literate. In the future, when entering the city, men’s toilets and women’s toilets could be clearly distinguished. Regardless of the school teacher or my parents, I never asked if I studied hard.

I have loved language stuff since I was young. When I was literate, I liked to show off. Whoever posted a couplet on the door, I had to stop when I was busy. I opened my throat and finished reading the two couplets. go with. Then you can see the comics. The first comic book I read is about a educated youth in which of the northeast of China, sacrificed his life to protect a telephone pole that might be washed away by a torrent. The picture of the comic book was particularly good, but after reading this story, I sat on the big bluestone at the gate of my house for a long time. I don’t think this story is well written. At that time the poles were made of wood. In the Northeast, it is easier to find a million trees that can be used as electric poles than to find one person.

Four of our brothers, three of whom are exactly two years old, like reading. My father often looks for books for us. The books he found are so strange, such as “Pear grafting technology”, “Barefoot Doctor Handbook”, “Alpine Potato Cultivation” and so on. I once found a “Notes for Male Ligation”, which my father took a closer look and did not give to us See, he didn’t show us but we wanted to see it. The book has not been seen so far, and it is considered unknown. When my two brothers are illiterate, I read to them; after they are literate, I finish reading and let them read. When I was in the fourth grade, there was news that I would no longer look at the family component in junior high school, so I didn’t need to go to the production team to stamp it. To confirm the news, my father put down his work and spent half a day at the brigade to ask. With reliable information, my father couldn’t sleep for a few nights of joy, and his enthusiasm for training us was soaring. It was only from then on that we began to study seriously. From the outside, we still looked fooled, but we secretly looked forward to it.

The responsibility system for household joint production will soon be implemented. That fall, except for the kitchen and the bed, all the ground was piled with golden rice, and my father gave out more than 600 yuan at the end of the year. This is a world-breaking thing. Before that, every year until June and July, every family was short of food and had to cook, and at the end of the year, they could get dozens of yuan of hard money from the production team, even if a family of four or five people had not sold their production team for a year.

With money, my dad no longer plans to let me be an accountant, let alone the production team has been separated. Although he didn’t say well what he did after reading the book, my dad hoped we could read more books. I like reading very much. I can read “Barefoot Doctor Handbook” in the first grade of primary school. By the time I am in the fourth grade, I have read all the books that the whole village can find. There are several books in the supply and marketing cooperatives in the market town, all of which have been read. My dad is often distressed at not being able to find a book for us to read. I do n’t know who to order, or he had a whimsy. One day, my father took me and my two younger brothers who were also in primary school into the city and went to Xichang Teachers College to find a book.

Early in the morning, the sun was still working behind the mountain on the east side. My father stood under the eaves and shouted, my sons, go to Xichang Teachers College to read a book!

I heard a book read, my second brother and I put down their slingshots, and my third brother ran out of the house. Three pairs of eyes flashed with happy flames, looking at Dad. We have long heard that there are so many books in the library of Xichang Teachers College. The village scolds those who want to read and want to go crazy: “If you have the skills, you can go to Xichang Teachers College to read!”

My dad was almost forty years old at that time. After years of hard work, he looked like a little old man, and his eyes were flashing with a happy flame, and he waved at us like a great man and said, go.

So, in the early morning sunlight in the Anning River valley, the morning dew on the field stumbling all the way, the father and son were like a team of moles biting their tails and moving from the heart of the bank of the Anning River to the Huanglianguan ferry transition boat and catching An hourly shuttle bus enters the city. I was going to grade five that year, my second grade was going to grade three, and my third grade was just in first grade.

The shuttle was naturally harder to wait than Gordon in Ireland at that time. On a road that was not very smooth, only a car including a croissant tractor drove past for a long time. More often, it belongs to the mighty winds of the river valley, rolling up the grass and leaves, and blowing it from the eyes to the distance. The first shuttle bus stopped in front of us, and there were four or five people carrying backpacks. The car was too crowded. The deformed person just twisted for a while, and finally recovered the shape of the person. No matter how you shoot it, you can’t recover it. My dad hurt us so much that he didn’t dare let us in. I thought, maybe it won’t be so crowded after the next shift. After waiting for more than an hour, the sun rose high, only to see a shuttle bus gasping for it. Without getting off the bus this time, the conductor didn’t open the door directly, the car was too crowded to open the door. We had to keep waiting. Only then did I find out how sloppy our father and son looked at the grand matter of reading a book in the library of Xichang Teachers College. Dad wore his usual working clothes, his two trousers were raised high and short, and the head was covered with mud everywhere. Our brother-in-law wore the clothes that he usually reads. Although the slurry was washed clean, it was old after all. The third brother’s sleeve was hung out of a branch by a branch, and a piece of cloth fluttered in the wind. Many years later, this scene repeatedly appeared in my dream. The difference is that the four of us, father and son, wore the same new clothes, and the atmosphere was grand and warm, just like the New Year.

After more than an hour, the third bus drove forward, without any suspense, and still squeezed the front chest against the back. My dad and our brothers and sisters felt that we couldn’t wait for the next shift, and all of them were the same crowded, so I was afraid that I wouldn’t be able to get a car today. At that time, the shuttle bus dared to install everything, and the chickens, ducks, fishes, rabbits, and the pigs and sheep were in the car. Passengers are noisy, spit, smoke cigarettes, and feed their children. The pavement was uneven, the shuttle bus wobbled, and every part of the car seemed to be ringing. Various sounds and odors are mixed together, and human lungs and stomachs are severely challenged. Some people have motion sickness along the way, and the most direct manifestation is vomiting. The food in the morning was exposed in the car without any obstruction, and after stirring the gastric juice, the smell was pungent and unbearable. But thinking about two hours later, we can be a reading king in the library of Xichang Teachers College. Crowding, noise, and stench are nothing. Which book to read from? I didn’t read “Water Margin”. I secretly determined that starting with “Dream of the Red Mansions” and “The Romance of the Three Kingdoms”, I had to read at least five books today to justify the unbearable path.

The car stopped and went all the way north. Down the slope of the kiln kiln, in front is the sparkling Erhai Lake. The shuttle bus moved forward for a while, and we finally reached the Xichang Division. The moment I got out of the car, the fresh and fragrant air and the bright sunlight made me dizzy and experienced the filth all the way. At this time I really felt that the air was sweet and the sun was smiling. My dad and a few younger brothers felt similar to me. Four people squatted down the side of the road for a while, and their rolled eyes finally returned to their original shape. The numb expression on their faces finally recovered, and the brain resumed normal operation.

The sun was already overhead, at noon. My dad found a few pieces of homemade wheaten bread from his satchel and shared it with us for lunch. The third brother took a bite of the cake, saying that he couldn’t eat, and said to his father, I want to drink water. The second brother and I had the same thought, very strong, with a desert hidden in their mouths. My dad’s throat was struggling up and down a few times, and he wanted to drink water.

My dad glanced at Erhai Lake not far away. I thought to myself, I was afraid he would lead us to drink water from Erhai Lake. Wild water used to prevent us from drinking, but at this time we could save lives.

After all, my dad knows more than us. He looked back at us and said, as long as he entered the gate of Xichang Teachers College, he would not find a tap.

It was discovered at the teacher’s college that things were not so simple. We couldn’t even enter the gate of the teacher’s college. Xichang Teachers College leans against Laoshan, the gate is facing the road and Erhai, the big iron gate is open. The guard didn’t let us in. The guard was an old, humpbacked man, dressed in a pale-washed polyester cardigan. He stopped four of our father and son outside the gate, and spread his hand in front of my father.

My dad and our brethren chant, nobody understands what this word means.

The old man said it again and again three times before we understood that this was for us to show the permit. This thing is only available to teachers and students of teachers’ colleges. Before that, how did we know we still needed this?

I stepped back in disappointment, and my two younger brothers were all blank. My dad touched his pocket and tried to pull out a cigarette from it. My dad doesn’t smoke cigarettes, naturally he can’t get them out. My dad squeezed the front corner. This action made me feel sad for the rest of my life. He is taller than the old man, and in order to please the old man, he bent down. In order to conceal his embarrassment, he kept pinching his corner. My dad is not a kind of expressive person. For us, he cut out. He told the guard that I took a few children to the library here to study. We hurried dozens of miles and set off early in the morning It’s not easy to get here now. This elder brother, even if you can’t borrow books, can you put us in and take a look outside the library?

My dad’s voice was full of begging, and later, he was choked.

The old man initially disagreed. My dad just stayed with him and the guard was in the countryside. My dad talked to him about their crops, their cows, their pigs, their chickens and ducks, and his whole days. Don’t study everywhere and try to hit the son of the mixed society. Speaking of sadness, the old man couldn’t help crying. He said, how good you are, and you like to read books, that’s right, sooner or later!

By noon in the sun, they had been friends who had been separated for many years. We slipped into the campus while they were bragging, found a faucet, drank a full belly of water, and ate the wheaten bread on the head.

When we were done eating, wiped our mouths, drank our heads and drank a drink of water, and returned to the gate, the sun began to turn west. The guards no longer treated us as outsiders, and our four sons and fathers were free to enter and leave campus.

We quickly found the library, a multi-storey building divided into reading rooms and books. There is an administrator sitting at the entrance of each reading room, and each administrator asks us to show the admission card. After passing through the gate, we have recognized the requirement that such access must be licensed. We could not enter any door of the library, which did not affect the joy of our father and son. Through the window glass, I saw countless coveted books standing in rows on the bookshelf, with an ink fragrance, waiting to read. My greedy eyes, like the wind, brushed the faces of every big brother and sister who were immersed in the joy of reading. They sat beside the rows of bookshelves and looked at the books calmly. I eagerly hope to be one of them. At that moment, I was secretly determined that no matter how much hardship I endured and how much suffering I suffered, I would also strive for a chance to own a bookstore in my life.

On the way home, we are all as deep as those who have read five hundred books, and no one speaks. Those books that have been with me for many years

A book collector, a villa with a fireplace by the Yangtze River. Every winter night, throw a book that you ca n’t read in a year into the oven and burn it. When you burn it, please happily call me: “While heating and killing, you do n’t know. Call me cool! “I sat back in the chilling study room and said to him,” Is the collector burning books, or is he showing a wealth of wealth? “He replied seriously:” None, just I ca n’t read it. One less book is one, and it ’s a lot to stay! ”All his books are hidden in a good mahogany cabinet. The 300-square-meter two-story building is all up. Can penetrate floor.

I’m not as clear-cut as he is, I don’t have the courage to frustrate him. At the end of the year, in addition to my autographed works sent by friends, I will send books that I have read that I feel impossible to turn, or send them to the library, or to the rural reading room. I do n’t need it, maybe someone else will get it.

It is so streamlined. I still feel that there are too many books on the bookcase, especially in the era of so developed information. In the past, it was necessary to rely on books to check. Now it can be done on a computer in a second. Many good books on the bookcase, after reading and inserting them, may have been four or five years later, and some have never been opened since, just like marrying a woman in a room but It has never been face-to-face and it is a sin to let it grow old.

But if these books are really emptied from the bookshelf, I can’t bear it, I will never do that.

Among the crowded rows of books, several have been with me for many years and will accompany me. I can’t bear to lose them in this life. These books accompanied me as I walked out of the ravines of the southwestern part of the country and entered the city to study high school and university. From messenger bags to backpacks stuffed with textbooks to denim bags packed with clothes and futons traveling afar. Even at this place where I live now, I have repeatedly tossed, and from fishing port to city, I haven’t discarded dozens of times. Touching these books is like touching the past time and remembering the past.

The oldest is the “Biography of Water Margin”, which was published by Guizhou People’s Publishing House in 1975. There is also a “quotation” on the title page: The book “Water Margin” is just surrendering. Made a negative teaching material to let people know the surrender. When this book was published, I had just taken off my crotch pants for three years, and it was 17 years after I got this book. Divided into three volumes. It is said that at that time, key distribution was made. Only cadres in the army and military schools or party schools of the army had the opportunity to obtain a set that was not available on the market. Good books will naturally flow to the people. I don’t know how many people have borrowed this set of books, the spine is cracked, and there are many off-line-pay attention to “off-line”, not “de-glued”, thread-bound, truly pure handmade products-a book held in hand, then Is a status symbol. See how scarcely readable things were at that time.

Before getting this set of books, I read a traditional Chinese character “Water Margin”. This book was picked up by me. At that time, I was still in elementary school. As if there was a sign of God, that day somehow got into a haystack in my hometown. That book was lying quietly on a golden piece of dry straw. Sunlight spread evenly across the missing cover. I’m so happy. I dare not take it home, afraid of my parents to blame; I dare not tell my younger brothers, because they are afraid to rush to read first. How many afternoons in which the sun was tilting west, I took the initiative to ask to fight pigweed, and when I left the house, I hid behind my haystack and read the book, thinking: I only read two pages. But as soon as it seemed to be able to hold it, when the sun went down and the text on the book was illegible, I remembered that there were still a dozen pigs in the pigpen that howled open their throats and howled and needed to sow. Immediately hid the books, picked up the pigweed basket and ran to my home garden. He picked up a half-back basket of ketchup. When I entered the house, my dad blamed me for coming back so late that the pigweeds were not enough for those pigs to jam their teeth. The next day my mother wished to smoke me, and I took the hard-grown chard to her heart, and it will never grow again.

The second day was the same, the third day was still the same, and the fourth day my dad couldn’t bear it. My father and mother asked me why I came home so late. How dare I say that, I wouldn’t say if I was killed. Parents can tolerate children making mistakes, can’t tolerate mistakes and then make mistakes, especially can’t tolerate mistakes and then make mistakes, but die for no reason. Two dense peach branches rotted on my body, and I didn’t let it loose-I kept my mouth steady and able to cover things, which was what I learned at that time-I read this book again and again until one day I Dad followed me quietly, “from the back of the haystack,” everyone got stolen. ” I thought my dad would hit me again. Unexpectedly, when my dad knew that his son was unscrupulous and committed crimes every day because of reading this book, his father’s face was filled with guilt. He returned the book to me and said gently with remorse: “Son, Why didn’t you say it earlier! “Said to go away carrying the pigweed basket that belongs to me. He hit me and I didn’t cry. His words made me hide behind the haystack and wept with tears. Our family is poor, but even poorer. My parents also hope that their sons can read more books.

Several of my younger brothers have also read this book and are still lying in a bookcase in my hometown.

I bought a “garland under the mountain” in 1983, and the south is fighting. The Chengdu-Kunming Railway across the Anning River has countless military trains every day. The vehicle and the vehicle are anti-aircraft guns and cars. A military vehicle full of soldiers, with a faint smell of smoke in the air. After reading this book, the teacher asked me what my dreams would be in the future. I said, “Go to the front line and fire anti-aircraft guns!” I was too young, I had n’t graduated from elementary school, and I could n’t be a soldier.

I really fell in love with literature after reading Life and Wild Water. “Life” is a 1982 version and reprinted in 1985. At that time, I was in junior high school, and my youth was full of emotions. Somehow I actually felt good about girls, and even wrote a love letter to a girl in my class. I was extremely surprised and terrified. . At that time, the background of the era was just after “strike hard”. Some people just danced together, and a group of men and women were suspected of playing hooligan and caught them. In our class, male and female students dare not speak, and even dare not hand out notes. I couldn’t help myself, writing a love letter, taking the world by storm. The noble female student gave the affectionate love letter to the class teacher. The head teacher is horrified. If I change to another person, I may be arrested. But he didn’t say anything, and his handling touched me. He insisted that I was taught. I corrected him and said, “No, this is what I want to write, and I have not been instigated by anyone.” The head teacher hated and hated me, and scolded me indifferently: “Dog stuff, I don’t care!” The girl said: “Li Xinyong was taught by others, this is not his original intention. No one will be allowed to mention this matter in the future, only if nothing has happened.” I have learned what he scolded me, and since then, everyone who encounters To the people and things that make me like and make me cry and laugh, I can’t help but appreciate: dog stuff!

“Life” is my enlightenment reading for love and marriage, as well as my literary enlightenment reading. No matter how the world changes, as long as my heart is still in the old place, everything becomes possible and there is still time. I can’t remember how many times this book has been read. From this I knew Lu Yao, and I knew more writers.

Buying “Wild Water” was a thing in 1989, and there was a lot of chatter outside. I read poetry at home.

At that time I had begun to write poetry. In the age of hormonal fun, there was poetry in the fart. The Sichuan Rural News supplement “Dandelion” published my poems almost every month. I have written our family’s loofah vine, winter gourd flower, our family’s cow, our family’s chicken, my father’s sweat, mother Tears, written in the valley, written in the mountains. Because of poetry, I met my first mentor, Mr. Cai Yinglu, who recommended me to publish the first article “In the Mountains”. The short essay was originally written as a poem. Along the way, he gave I am a lot of help and encouragement, but I am still a teacher and friend, but more like a loved one, and I will definitely make a phone call when I return home. His child and I are not only brothers and sisters, but also really like brothers and sisters. I also made friends with poets at the time and later helped me a lot but my sister Fan Lifen hasn’t met for more than 30 years. Life was amazing. I spent three days in Guiyang one year. I lived in Guiyang without thinking of her. I didn’t think about it until five minutes before I got on the plane. I called quickly, and I do n’t know what year or month to meet. .

Poet Zhang Xingquan’s “Wild Water” let me know that it is not poems that are cut into seven long and eight short rows and arranged vertically. Poetry is the gold coin of language, it is a small gem in the crown of literature, without talent, Without experience, poetry cannot be written.

It was this collection of poems that eventually made me decide to give up poetry writing and never dream about poetry again. “Wild Water” is a collection of painful poems. Zhang Xingquan once worked as a trackman on the Chuan River. The water pier, residual fiber and wild beach in his poems all have a sense of presence and signs of life. Hiding in the study without groaning, even if it is a genius, the poems written cannot be touching. People say that suffering is a poet, but some suffering is not something you can express. It is better to write prose and novel. Life is more exciting than fiction, but life can’t put all the excitement on one thing anyway.

In 1992, the college entrance examination failed, with black clouds on his forehead, and a black crow in front of him. At that time, even before working, it was said that rural children could not go to school and had to go home and build the earth. There was no other way to go. At an altitude of one meter and seventy-three, and weighing sixty kilograms, he was taken care of by his ancestors, and his appearance was not bad, and he was even handsome. But a pair of spectacles were put on the bridge of the nose, and the text was not written, but the wubuwu; plus the four walls of the family, the four brothers were all studying, all in poverty. The wife of the neighbors could quarrel for three days and three nights for a dunk of chicken feces. None of them was willing to match me. Seeing that I was about to become the first cultural bachelor in the village, I used only four For a few dollars, I bought a 3.5 yuan copy of Lao Tzu’s Vernacular from a run-down department store, and brought it home in my arms. I ca n’t help hiding it. If I saw it with that bunch of mother-in-law, and I did n’t spread it everywhere, I ’m a complete prodigal. Then I ’m really going to be knocked to the ground and stepped on one foot. The bachelor of this life is fixed. .

It is this book that taught me to let it go and to face all the attitudes of life in front of me. This is not only an attitude to life, but also a kind of mind and manner. At that time, I had a good memory, and I was able to memorize more than 5,000 words of “Lao Tzu”, making my father think that I was going to be a Taoist. Recalling the attitudes towards people and things in the past few decades, after reading this book, it was basically formed under the low eaves of the 1992 hometown with a gloomy future and a bright heart, and it became more and more firm.

I still have a lot of old books, such as “On Treatise on Febrile Diseases and Miscellaneous Diseases”, “Songs of Medicinal Nature”, “Touto Geju”, “Fu Qingzhu Nuo Ke”, “Remedies of Encyclopedia” etc. In my hometown. Every time I return to my hometown, I will go through these yellowed old things like I visit my old friends, shake the dust on them, and see if there are any worms.

Capricorn’s yellowed pages are often full of emotions, and sometimes ca n’t help but be surprised. These books come to me, no sooner or later, when I need them most; I ca n’t help but be grateful for these books, which accompanied me on my journey The ups and downs, loneliness, and perplexity of that, every page of books and papers, there is a golden old time.

Alive reference

The autumn tiger squatted boldly outside the house, and whoever ran under the sun bit him. Only those who are most bitter and most bullied will be taken into the ground to work at this time.

Quiet in and out of the house. My grandparents, father and mother went off to work and I was home alone. It’s been a long time since noon and they haven’t shown signs of returning.

The room was quiet. I could hear the screams of the roof of the centuries-old house, and I could hear the roof tiles turning over like a person in the sun, and snoring from one corner of the house to another. There is also the sound of leaves or dead branches falling on the roof tiles from the tall trees outside the house. These sounds were unpredictable before they were spoken, and after the end, there would be no second sound for a long time. The room was very quiet, and in this quiet everything seemed to be alive. Liang Zhu was tired and needed to change his posture; the roof tiles were too tired to lay, and he needed to turn over; dead leaves and branches would fall naturally whether or not there was wind.

If in the night, these voices are connected with the ghost story, it will be scary.

I was alone in the room, and whenever my voice broke the silence, I felt happy. I want to climb up the roof beams to see which wood and which part of the room made the snoring noise, and also want to go to the house to see if the roof tile has actually turned over.

At other times, I can do it just by thinking of it. In the words of my grandpa, I’m just a monkey without hair. But this day won’t work. I’m sick, my whole body is weak, and I have high fever. In the morning, Xiaoqing, Xiaobai, and Xiaojiang came to swim with me. My mother answered them unambiguously: “Xiao Yong can’t go with you today, he has a high fever.” I had already gotten out of bed Climb up and rushed to the door of the room. After hearing what my mother said, it felt like I had stepped on two stacks of cotton, and then returned to lie down on the bed.

Our small village of three hundred people has twelve buddies who are born the same year as me. In the “Tong Geng”, Xiaoqing, Xiaobai, and Xiaojiang’s home are closest to my family. Xiaoqing and Xiaobai are twins. We play together from morning to night since we opened crotch pants. We went up the tree to pick fruits, went to the house to dig out birds, went down the river to fish, swim, and picked wheat ears together … We were little helpers in our respective homes. In the countryside, when you are three years old, you are half a labor force, so you have to do farm work with your parents. We were all four years old that year. The few of us never make conflicts, and if anyone is bullied by others, the other three will definitely help. Our relationship is so close that even our parents feel that it is not necessary to have a child again. Everyone is working together to raise these four children. They are comparable to four biological brothers, and the village is invincible.

I slipped quietly off the bed, starving. Entering into the stove room, opening the cupboard, I saw nothing but half a can of salt and a dozen bowls. I lifted my toes and lifted the lid. There was a little water at the bottom of the pot. There were two bowls in the middle of the water. I opened the upper bowl, which had lunch prepared for me when my mother went out in the morning: Buddy rice And pickles. I knew that my grandparents, father and mother would not go home at noon.

Immediately I felt that I had made a lot of fortune, thinking, this afternoon, I will be the master who is not in control, do whatever you want!

After lunch, I stretched a lazy waist, feeling strong on my arms. I rushed out the door and planned to see Xiaoqing, Xiaobai and Xiaojiang. They were gone for a long time, and it seemed like I hadn’t seen them for several days. Four or five hours ago, a little before lunch, I heard Xiao Qing and Xiao Bai’s mother crying. I was accustomed to this crying, and the villagers were accustomed to crying. She is a mother who likes crying nose. She is called “Sanhualian” and she is also called “Hua nose cat”. She cried for a variety of reasons: the cat at home ate up the pork used for cooking, and she cried; at the end of the year, when she returned the food from the production team, she also cried; sometimes Xiao Qing and Xiao Bai were not happy, she And weep. Occasionally someone asked her to cry, and she cried for two days in front of someone else’s coffin. The rewards are good and the family can eat meat from time to time.

The door of Xiaoqing Xiaobai’s house was open, and they didn’t see their mother. There are two door panels under a tree near the door of the house. Xiaoqing Xiaobai lays one on each. They each had a white cloth on their faces.

What a hot day to cover with white cloth. I peeled off the white cloth on Xiaoqing’s face, Xiaoqing’s face was blue, and saliva flowed from the nostrils and the corners of the mouth crooked to one side. I poked twice under his armpit without moving.

Maybe I slept too much. In such a cold and hot afternoon, it is most suitable for a good night’s sleep. I folded a section of bare ears of rice and gently stroked it over Xiao Qing’s nose. He remained motionless. I touched his face, it was so hot outside, his face was cold, and his body was cold. Try to push him again, his body is stiff.

I was still holding the white cloth covering his face, and my hands began to tremble. I had never seen the dead. I already suspected Xiaoqing was dead, but I could n’t believe it. I called for swimming in the morning The boy who is alive and kicking, how can I say it without it.

I turned around and peeled off the white cloth on the little white face lying on the other door panel. His face was blue, saliva was drooling in the eye sockets, nostrils, mouth corners and ears, and a faint stench entered my nostrils. The kind of stench I had never smelled before. The sharpness and depression of bitterness and dead blood caused me to retaliate and almost spit out the food I ate at noon.

This is the first time I have seen the dead, and it is my two little friends who have died. It was later learned that three died that morning.

They called me in the morning, my mother returned them for me, and they went swimming together in the river. In the past, we only swim in small rivers. I don’t know who came up with the idea that day, and they ran to the estuary where the small river poured into the Anning River to swim. If they were older, they would not be drowned. At the entrance of the small river Guanren River, there is a backwater area. The water flows vertically and is swirling.

There was an old man sturgeon there that morning. He saw my three buddies jumping from the shore, and two of them quickly landed. I probably knew that the water was not right. One of them didn’t come up. He was pulled in by the vortex. The two children who went ashore jumped into the water again to save the little companion. When they went ashore again, they saw only one child. The children ashore shouted for help. The old man knew that something had happened and took his uncle to rush here. Before he arrived, the child ashore grabbed a bush of tendon grass by the shore, plunged himself into the water, and was ready to pull the other one that was rushing out of the water ashore. The child in the water was desperately desperate, struggling wildly, the goosegrass was uprooted, and the child on the shore was dragged into the water. The river quickly drowned them. The old man knew that the three children would not be washed away for a while and a half in Lishui District, and shouted for help in the mouth, and at the same time put the crickets in the water, hoping to net the three children into the crickets. I heard a lot of villagers rushed to the bottom. They had good water, and they groped under the water. It took them a long time to touch them. There were not many children, but when they were picked up, their faces were already blue and their bodies were already stiff.

The three of them died for a long time, and I still feel that they have never left. When someone is bored, I will run to the front door or yard of their house, hoping that they can slip out from behind the bullpen or osmanthus tree to play with me. The pears in their yard are already golden and canopy, if in previous years, they should have been picked. In previous years, the work of picking pears was done by four of us, two in a group, and took turns on the tree, and put a rope on a suitable tree. Pick it out gently and place it in a large straw-lined basket, then hang the basket to the tree and continue picking. A tree can pick three large baskets of pears.

Years later, every time I talked about it, others said how energetic the three children were. We don’t know what is righteousness, we just know that when we are in danger, we should do our best to help each other. If I were there that day, I would jump into the water without hesitation and recklessness.

Every time Xiaoqing and Xiaobai’s mother saw me, they hugged me in their arms and wept loudly: “My son! Xiaoqing! Xiaobai!” The last word of each sentence must be drawn three The long tremolo is so rash. Gradually I was afraid to see her, and if I met on the road, I would take a detour. Later, Xiaoqing and Xiaobai’s former home did not dare to go. It was my childhood nightmare to expose the face of the deceased to cover his face. This shot not only appeared in the dream, but sometimes when I was struck by the gods, the unforgettable stench would scare me into a loud scream.

Later, Xiaoqing and Xiaobai’s mother saw me and stopped crying. She looked 30 years older than my mother. Her dry lips that had lost her teeth moved for a while and did not know what she wanted to say. She later had four children, two daughters and two sons. She commented in front of others that they could not keep up with the pair. When I was about to turn around, I said helplessly: “If the pair of children are still alive, they should be so strong!” At this time, I had left my hometown more than ten years ago, and had been away from my hometown for three or four thousand. Kilometers away to make a living, only to return to his hometown every three or four years to visit relatives, and has long forgotten his childhood nightmare. Her words reminded me of that unforgettable afternoon, the afternoon that made my head feel cold.

Every time I go back to the village, I put fruit candy in my pocket. When I see her, I respectfully put fruit candy in her hand. At that moment, I was Xiaoqing and Xiaobai who grew up.

They are me who died, and I am alive.