A little thing

After his death, his fame grew.

The script he wrote in his early years was staged in the theater, and the organizer carefully made a T-shirt with his head printed as a performance commemoration.

She didn’t dare to take the T-shirt with his head picture, let alone wear it on herself. The moment she saw the T-shirt and recognized the avatar, she felt a tingling sadness. There is no comfort and happiness, no gratitude, even … I hope it is not true, I hope I read it wrong.

People gave her the T-shirt as a love for him. She held the T-shirt with a strong unacceptable emotion in her heart. Finally, no matter what other people’s surprises, she gave that T-shirt to anyone around, whoever.

She couldn’t take this T-shirt home, take it home like a toy, take it home like a creative device, and put it in her bag like a pleasant gift. She felt that it was lightness to him, casualness to him, and neglect of his death.

She is still in pain, but people have already passed his death-this is too normal, people actually don’t care if he is dead, there is life and death on the program list, but not many people care. Yes, how many writers are dead has nothing to do with the present drama. That’s true.

His death, which was still a huge death for her, became a number on the program list, which can be completely ignored.

Death, only if it really becomes the past tense, it is the birth and death without feelings, it is an incidental explanation, and it is the name in the style of talking and laughing that does n’t need any pause to pass by. You can easily put it in your bag with a smile on your face and take photos in the scenery.

After his death, year after year, mourning and commemoration, various activities have never stopped. His life has been written more and more magically, with many bright and big words on it, and even she has been drawn into the halo. Although she has never been interviewed by reporters, her undesired wishes and experience have also been Fabricated. The old classmates in the past passed her the thick text on the Internet. She thought that the old classmates must have accused her of found fabricated words, and she said that she could not control it, and she was very disgusted with such text. I didn’t expect the old classmate to say, no, I’m happy for you, you see how well others write about you …

——Will it even be made? !!

——After all, it ’s a good idea, others are kind!

It turned out to be such logic.

Well, she thought secretly, he must not know these things anyway. She loved him, and he continued after he died–this, he didn’t know, right? She said to herself. And you, dead people don’t care, no matter what you say, no matter how you encourage the dead, he can’t improve.

But there is indeed a logic that is generally accepted. A person is remembered after his death and is constantly being remembered. As a family member—for example, she—should be present at the scene, should be comforted, should be grateful to the organizers, and those who rushed to the memorial.

But she, like a physical disorder, couldn’t go to the scene after her initial ignorance. She could hardly find a reason. The only reason was that she didn’t want to speak, as if there was a problem with her voice, she couldn’t say his name, and she couldn’t talk to others about him. Is this a symptom?

One day, she read a text by British writer Barnes about her dead wife. He said that in everyday life, he (Barnes) hoped that “… as long as I want or need it, I can mention it in front of others. My wife—calling her will be an ordinary part of any ordinary communication—although life is no longer ‘ordinary’, but “no one talks” and “no one answers”-for As a result, Barnes’ “evaluation of those friends has deteriorated.”

She was slightly relieved, so she might be the opposite of Barnes’ reaction. If Barnes wants to make his wife a routine, then she is the opposite. The fact that she wants to let him die has always been so impressive that becoming routine is forgotten.

How is it different to mention the name of a dead person than to mention the name of a living person? The names of countless dead people are mentioned in our texts, in conversation, at every moment of life, without the feeling of death, we will not distinguish that Borges is dead and Barnes is alive. There are only “Exploration” and “Feeling of End”. So, are they the same? Are they all alive or dead? Death has nothing to do with them, they have nothing to do with literature.

But personal death is different, and has nothing to do with literature and history, but only with the relationship between the dead and the living from death to life. No one else did anything wrong. Just because he died with her, he hasn’t finished yet.

There is indeed a difference between near death and distant death. that is it.

But her absence meant an attitude, meaning she didn’t do what she was supposed to do. But since it can’t be done, then even if it should, it is helpless. Well, she just won’t go. That’s what others are doing, and you can leave her alone. But even if the scene is far away, the troubles are still very close.

Wait until your honest friend slowly says: he belongs to everyone, he is not you alone. ——It turns out there is another crux!

He belongs to everyone. Because he is famous, his name is well known by many people. -If you are not well known, you cannot belong to everyone. Well, then it must belong to everyone! Renren comment is inevitable, this is the price a public figure must pay. Someone just wrote his biography based on a few interactions with him, or wanton interpretation of seemingly autobiographical factors in his works, or hearsay, and some people still kept their words and made his statue after solemn promise And put it where she thinks it is inappropriate; Someone posted the best words to him, even at the expense of an unnecessary story; Why do I always hear the highest tone and the most gorgeous melody … It’s just a flaw, it’s normal, it’s inevitable.

He was alive, no doubt belonging to himself, but she thought she had become her after death, and that was her fault!

But troubles do not disappear because they understand this truth; but troubles do not necessarily have a reason because they do not disappear. The reasons are mixed, the reasons are codified, and the reasons are narrow. But the reasons will not be diminished by the bigger reasons that are readily available.

She always remembers the reason he agrees with: people cannot have more names than they really are. She always remembered.

She silently hoped that his next death day would be silent and quiet. This wish has never been realized.

Alas, how many other relatives will have so many remembrances. She is so extravagant that she has to be affectionate. But who can tolerate even the smallest misrepresentations of relatives or neighbors to their beloved relatives in a chat?

Well, she was troubled and beyond reproach. As long as she only worry about herself, as long as she doesn’t say a word, as long as she is silent, there is no fault. A wise friend taught her: you have to overcome yourself, shield yourself, take the initiative not to see or listen to words and other forms of expression that may make you uncomfortable, so that you can not hurt others, and avoid worrying yourself . She seemed to understand that this was what she could and should do.

What exactly can a man do and what should he do? I always think they look omniscient! They don’t yell at us, they don’t see it, they laugh at us and make a big deal, just like the child didn’t eat big white rabbit toffee and wept hard. When they were old, they saw that crying video and laughed to death-they can laugh when they die Dead?

But this is the way people in the world take everything as a thing, and are constantly saved by the truth, and fall again and again.

Another anniversary day is coming soon, and another commemorative event is in preparation. The organizer has found her and hopes that she will provide him with photos and video materials of the past so that she can better do this event. She had no reason, she seemed to have to provide. But why would she use practical action to support something she didn’t actually agree with–if she didn’t have this obligation and responsibility? But the request was made by a friend who had helped him in the past-why refuse such a friend?

Intertwined.

Tangled is paradoxical, neither left nor right. By the way, of course the most tangled-the word is too small to fit here-is Abraham. It’s not tangled, it’s fear and trembling. Son and God, what could be better than this!

——But you must be convinced that “God will prepare himself as a lamb for a burnt offering.”

Fortunately, we mortals will only experience ordinary tangles. Aren’t we coming through countless tangles and paradoxes? Every time it is resolved in the wind! The fact is that every time there is no tangling to death. Who is that entangled?

She remembered a story told by Kierkegaard, which might as well be cited here—

A young girl fell in love secretly, but neither side had revealed the truth, nor could anyone know. Her parents forced her to marry another man (they would use her daughter’s sense of responsibility to persuade her). She obeyed. She hid her true love so as not to be sad. No one knows the pain she’s endured—or, a young man is in a situation where he can leak a word and possess the person he longs for. But the leak of this word may be ruined-yeah, who knows, this possibility must exist-the entire family. He noblely chose to stay in the hidden realm, he thought: the girl must be in the drum, and she can be happily married to another person. What a pity! Both people concealed their true love from their love, and at the same time, it also created a higher connection-their concealment is a free act, and of course it is aesthetically responsible. However, aesthetics is a diligent and kind steward. It solves problems more than all stewards and managers. How will it deal with this matter? It has taken care of everything for lovers. On the day when the wedding was held as planned, with the help of coincidence, everyone suddenly learned of the noble decision of the secret lovers to sacrifice themselves. So everything was explained and they got each other. As a reward, they even got the name of a hero-although they didn’t struggle for that lofty decision for a long time, because the aesthetic steward knew everything immediately and gave relief, as if they had fought heroically for years. Indeed, aesthetics does not value the continuation of time, whether for humorous or serious purposes, aesthetics always hastily. (Quoted from “Fear and Shock”, translated by Zhao Xiang)

When did this Kierkegaard ’s aesthetic hero come to her?

That evening, she was disturbed by the tangle again, and unconsciously retrieved those photos and videos in the computer. Actually, actually, I couldn’t find it, and turned out several hard disks, none! I haven’t searched it! Impossible, but it can’t be found! At first she was scared and panic, which was of course her most precious. But instantly she understood that she suddenly realized that this was not the usual routine of aesthetics? Coincidence, yes. Coincidence doesn’t happen often, it’s so rare, why can’t it happen here? !! She knows that this is aesthetics to help! Just as Kierkegaard said, it is a gimmick, it sometimes hides, and sometimes it suddenly emerges into our stories and lives. Aesthetics is really a good housekeeper. Some homes are best known when they can be found, and they can be taken with a walk. Other homes even know when they can’t be found. You ca n’t lose your temper—yes, indeed, those photos and videos are not found, whether you are panicked or relieved to get a reason to refuse a friend at such a great price (just how it is!) Fate it!

Can’t find it-but it can’t be found!

At this moment she must remember the experiences and endings of countless occurrences where she could not find her ID. In the end, in the bag that I had looked for three times in the end, I found that the certificate was in it, and it was always there, but it could n’t find her three or five times. Traveled with a temporary identity card.

Therefore, she must be convinced that those photos and videos must be in a certain hard disk that is not at hand, waiting in silence, and will never really leave her anyway. With the help of the deceased, those things must be safe and sound! Now, the aesthetic buddies who belong to Kierkegaard are helping her in a way that will not hurt her friends.

Uncle Ethics is too serious to look down on her worries, but the aesthetic buddies don’t care about the slightest, and only realize in the dim, that once the opportunity comes, they may come to their rescue. Well, she is also blessed.

Then, Kierkegaard does not always make people “fear and tremble”, so that “either this or the other” can be “or this or the other”. The nutrition in those books was endless, and she could only draw what she could and she thought. Of course, she does not have the courage and opportunity to be a tragedy hero, let alone her mission to be a knight of faith. But in our mortal days, there are always aesthetic figures, hurriedly passing by in the distance, passing by in the near, but can’t see or touch, yes, aesthetics is always mysterious and fickle.

Be obsessed with aesthetics, she thinks, you have to be more vigilant from now on, you must learn to call aesthetics in the hiding of aesthetics, and call hiding together with aesthetics. Forgetting to go back because of the unfathomable, and glanced at the gloom because of forgetting to go back.

Also, remember in the future, if you ca n’t find your identity card again, you have to think about whether such a trip should be revoked and be sensitive to the aesthetics! From both sides.

When she finished writing these words, she suddenly felt relieved, and she went through another little thing.