Two or three questions about emotional problems

How to deal with the problem of separation with her husband?

In the month of the wedding, I was pregnant with a baby. In the third trimester, my mother was uncomfortable with insomnia. Her husband moved to the next room to sleep on the grounds of worrying about kicking the baby. Since then we have become neighbors living next door.

Now that my child is almost two and a half years old, my husband and I are still in this state. I haven’t lived ten times a year. I watched my child grow into a dog every day and went to the next room to get close and then run back. My heart is not a taste.

Moreover, the child is sensible, and the room is divided for a long time. I am worried about affecting the child’s view of marriage and family. I am afraid that she thinks that the husband and wife are like her parents, but if I sleep in a room, I may not be used to it. What should I do?

On the surface, it is a problem of housing. In fact, it is essentially that the intimacy between husband and wife becomes low and you become anxious.

To put it more directly, the frequency and quality of sexual life is also an indicator of marital relationships, which is the focus of your most dissatisfaction.

Nothing to be embarrassed. It is a normal demand to want to be closer. If you realize that the relationship is beginning to become alienated, then take the initiative to strive for improvement. Look at your current objective situation. If you have no conditions to live in the same room for a long time, you can suggest to go to bed to talk about things before going to bed, or to send a few sultry expression packs, say a few words that are provocative, and then do not understand the style. Straight men will understand.

In short, create more opportunities for two people to be alone, one is to let him feel that you need him, the other is to enhance the feelings, to minimize the negative impact of the housing.

In fact, it is common for couples to sleep in separate rooms, but most of them will affect their feelings after a long time. After all, lying on a bed, the closeness of the body will naturally close the emotional distance, and the feelings will become alienated.

After all, the conditions and atmosphere of a close-knit sleep are not enough. It is too deliberate to be contrary to the characteristics of intimate behavior. So, if you have the conditions to sleep in the same room, then find a reason to move together first.

For example, if you are uncomfortable, you need to accompany you, or you can say that you can sleep with you. You don’t have to talk on the desktop. Action is also a kind of communication.

Don’t worry about not getting used to it, the habits can be changed, and you can get used to sleeping together before you leave the house. Now there is nothing wrong with it.

Don’t wait until the feelings are really weak and then solve the problem. The same bed dream is a dilemma that the “General knows” can’t recover.

Just two months after the exchange, my boyfriend was anxious to get married and have children.

Hello general, I have a trouble, my boyfriend is very good, but I am more anxious to get married, we both “after 85”. Just two months after joining, he said that he must get married after one year.

Ask him why, he said, because his parents are older, they want to give their parents an account, and then they must have children one year after they get married, because his parents are more boring when they retire, and other people around them have grandchildren. His parents may be envious of the surrounding. People.

However, I feel that it is up to the marriage to see the emotional state of the two people. It is also necessary to have two children to plan for a child, so I can’t get a child to marry in a year or two.

Every time we talk about this, we will quarrel. Once I quarreled, he actually said that the purpose of falling in love is very clear, that is, getting married, otherwise the time and money cost is wasted.

Ask the general to help, break up or continue?

Just two months of contact, the plan to marry and have children is understandable, indicating that he is serious, but the reasons he said about getting married and having children are all about completing the task, getting married to the parents, giving birth to the parents. ?

Taking care of parents is one of the reasons for getting married, but I think this is just an additional reason. From the heart, wanting to combine with one person and spend a lifetime is the starting point for making marriage more stable.

And his tone is very strong. He must marry rather than marry. He regards marriage as a procedure. As long as the corresponding conditions are triggered, the result must be obtained.

To put it bluntly, he wants to get married, but he doesn’t just want to marry you.

From this point of view, your attitude towards marriage is completely different. You are looking for the only partner. He is looking for tools to complete the task. Different mentality will definitely affect the quality of getting along.

It is rude to say that he is very utilitarian. He believes that not getting married is a waste of time and money. This logic of results-only theory obliterates the importance of feelings, only emphasizes his contribution, and does not consider your feelings at all.

Two kinds of irreconcilable marriage views have a high probability of colliding with the result of the infested result. In the case of two months of contact, such a big problem broke out. My suggestion is to be careful with him. He is not suitable for you.

Regret to marry and have children, life has lost hope.

I talked to my husband for four years of love, married for two years, and now have a one-year-old baby.

I am especially looking forward to having a happy family, but my mother-in-law is reluctant to bring her children, and my mind is on myself, leading to resentment in my heart.

Coupled with the arrogance and incomprehension of my mother-in-law during the confinement period, I was even more angry and often quarreled with my husband.

On the other hand, the husband’s emotional intelligence is relatively low, and it is impossible to coordinate the relationship between mother and daughter. I especially regret to marry and have children. I feel that life has lost hope, and I am particularly distressed. I feel that it is boring to go on.

But her mother-in-law did not feel guilty at all, and she was very handsome. Moreover, I feel that I don’t love my husband. Being with him at the beginning may be a feeling of compassion and maternal love.

I am suffering very much now, what should I do?

One study showed that the three years after giving birth is the lowest stage of female happiness. In the face of the birth of a new life and the change of identity, women are under great pressure.

At the same time, because of the emergence of a new family member, it will inevitably change the way the husband and wife get along, including the introduction of the previous generation of family members, so this is also a period of high contradictions.

At this stage, it is very likely that you will see nothing wrong. I feel that everything is a problem, but this is not necessarily a true restoration. In the state of high pressure and low, it will inevitably feel unsatisfactory.

I want to tell you that this is a stage that must be experienced, but it is also a stage that will inevitably end. Do not over-expand the current problems and contradictions. Some will disappear once and some can be improved by adjusting your mindset. .

I understand your cravings and needs. I hope my mother-in-law can be considerate to help you bring your children. I hope that my husband’s emotional intelligence will handle the contradictions, but the expectations may not be reasonable.

It is not an obligation or a responsibility for a mother-in-law to take a child. It is not a mistake for her to put her mind on herself. There is no need to feel guilty.

The resentment against her is because you want to give things and responsibilities to others, and treat your mother-in-law as a necessity and a cure. Your cognition needs adjustment.

Then, the husband’s emotional intelligence is not high and can’t adjust the relationship. He may not have high emotional intelligence, but if you have to say something about emotional intelligence, then through your description, your emotional intelligence needs to be improved.

The reason for your pain is that “the mother-in-law does not bring the child, the husband’s emotional intelligence is low”, and the problem is pushed to others, and it is indeed not the practice of high emotional intelligence.

They certainly didn’t meet your expectations, but what did you do to meet your expectations?

If others do not meet expectations, they will regret marriage and have children. This is not the right attitude. Marriage is their choice, and their children are responsible for themselves.

At present, there is no contradiction that cannot be reconciled. The reason you regret is that others have not met your expectations.

Let’s go deeper, others don’t follow your wishes, you feel that it’s boring and hopeless. Do you put the joy and hope of living on others?

As for not saying that I don’t love my husband, I don’t think I don’t love it. It’s because you are dissatisfied with him. I don’t like it. I didn’t sympathize with it before. If it is out of compassion, isn’t he now more worthy of sympathy?

What I saw was a child crying without eating sugar. I felt that everyone should be around him to satisfy his wishes. Otherwise, others would be too bad and they would be too wronged.

You said that if you want a happy family, this wish is very good, but a happy family needs every family member to work hard to build, instead of waiting for someone to build a home for you, you just enjoy .