The famous British psychologist Sylvia once said: “All the love in the world is the ultimate goal of aggregation. Only one is for the purpose of separation, that is, the love of parents for children.”
Nowadays, most parents pay great attention to cultivating their children’s independence. They draw on various educational methods to guide their children to establish independent consciousness. They urge children to study hard, give children a variety of interest classes, and improve their independence.
Gradually, children no longer depend on their parents, but their parents are increasingly dependent on their children. All their behaviors, all their emotions and sorrows are built on children.
This kind of dependence on the child is not self-restraint, the appearance is a kind of selfless love, but in reality it is a pain buried deep in the heart.
If the parents regard the child as the whole world, when the child leaves, the world of the parents will collapse.
Since the birth of the girl, the aunt put all the energy on the cousin. She rarely contacts her former friends, except to go to work, is to take care of her daughter.
In fact, cousins can take care of their own life very early, but the aunt is still not willing to let go, the matter is to help the cousin arrange properly. When the cousins are in their teens, my aunt often cuts her nails and wipes her glasses.
Before my cousin went to college, my aunt had been fighting high. Every day, I cook my cousin’s favorite food. I spend the day with my cousin studying day and night, and I help my cousin deal with everything except learning…
Since the cousin went to college, the whole world of her aunt was empty.After work, she became idle and often watched TV in a daze.
Eating has also become very unsatisfactory, always making a lot of meals at once, eating for a few days. Over time, the stomach ate something wrong.
The same is true for the neighbor, Grandma Zhang. She has only lived for her children for the rest of her life. The children are very filial, and after they have become home, they hope that Grandma Zhang will be able to spend her old age and not worry about their lives.
This was a good thing, but Grandma Zhang was very sad. She felt that because she was old, her children began to dislike her.
One day, the child will leave his parents to live alone.If parents see the child as the only driving force of life, then when the child goes away, the parents will lose their enthusiasm for life, live lonely and sad.
Many parents think that it is the best gift for children to put all their hard work and full attention into their children.Therefore, as long as it is for the sake of children, it is not a matter of suffering.
The mother of the actor Zhu Yuchen is such a parent. She said: “I am treating my son with my whole life. I have no self at all. I only offer at home.”
In order to take care of Zhu Yuchen, Ms. Zhu got up at 7 o’clock every morning and made a variety of drinks such as mung bean water, juice, and maple water. And do a variety of semi-finished food, stuffed with Zhu Yuchen’s refrigerator.
Zhu Yuchen went out to film, Zhu mother will not be idle, carrying the induction cooker and Zhu Yuchen to turn to the major crew, ready to open fire for him to cook.
Every day, Ms. Zhu is busy with her son and participates in all aspects of her son’s life. She thought that under her meticulous care, Zhu Yuchen would be very happy, but the truth is the opposite.
Because she was worried that her son was filming, Zhu’s mother did not allow Zhu Yuchen to take pictures. Zhu Yuchen’s acting skills were originally affirmed, and the career of acting career was great, but he rarely took over the drama and gradually faded out of public view.
Zhu’s mother interfered with her son’s emotional life and caused Zhu Yuchen’s two feelings to end.She has strict requirements for her daughter-in-law:Must be a good wife and a good mother, must be a husband for the sky, can not sit on the arm of the sofa, can not wear exposed. Therefore, Zhu Yuchen, who is 40 years old, still has no family.
Every Zhu Weichen’s Weibo, Zhu mother will copy it. After Zhu Yuchen knew it, he would no longer send Weibo.
When participating in the show “My Boy’s Kid”, Zhu Yuchen looked very lonely. When he was alone, he couldn’t help but cry.
For children, the love of parents without boundaries is not a source of happiness, but a heavy shackle that firmly binds them to the pace of their progress.
Ma Weiwei works in the field, and her parents wait for her phone every day except watching TV. On the phone, parents always want to listen to her all the details of a day’s life.
Ma Weiwei said: ” Every time I finish the phone call, I feel that my whole person has been hollowed out, but if I don’t call, I will be very embarrassed. ”
“I really want my parents to focus on other things, not just on me.”
In fact, in the eyes of children, parents should have their own lives, not just live for them.
Swiss psychologist Carl Gustav Jung has a very good saying:
“The worst influence parents have on their children is to make them feel that they have not lived well.”
Parents who enjoy life with their heart are the best comfort for their children.
Gao Xiaosong said: “My birthday last year, my mother did not come, but I am very happy.”
Because that day, his mother was busy with the choir rehearsal. Gao Xiaosong was very pleased to see her mother take seriously his life.
Raising children is an important part of life, but not all of life.When you are a parent, don’t forget that you are still yourself.
Don’t forget, that person who likes to dress up well; don’t forget, the one who always loves and talks with his best friend; don’t forget, the one who has great ideals.
If you still think that you have a child, you have no time to take care of yourself. Then give a paragraph of Dr. Zhang Yizhen of Psychology to you:
“The more fashionable you are, the more confident your child is;
The better you are, the more proud your child is;
The more aggressive you are, the harder the child is;
The more you insist on being yourself, the more independent the child is;
The more you know how to give love, the more sunshine your child has;
The more honest and friendly you are, the more honest your child is.
So being a good role model is more important than being a good nanny! ”
Therefore, enthusiasm for your own life, in order to make your child’s future shine!