Believe that you will change for love, am I wrong?

On June 9, 2019, in the Ubon Ratchathani National Park, Thailand, 32-year-old Chinese pregnant woman Wang Nan (pseudonym) fell from a 34-meter-high cliff and suffered serious injuries. His 33-year-old husband, Yu, said that he and his wife visited the cliffs of Patam, famous for its rock paintings. During this time, he went to the bathroom. When he came back, his wife disappeared and she called her. He thought she had left the cliff from other paths and then noticed that an ambulance was flying along the road before he learned that his wife had fallen off the cliff.

Thai police said that Wang Nan seemed to faint under the cliff due to pregnancy. Fortunately, she was blocked by the branches when she fell. A Thai tourist saw her injured lying on a path and called for help. Wang Nan was taken to the hospital. However, just when people thought that this was just an accident, the case reversed and was arrested by the Thai police for suspected killing of his wife.

Wang Nan and Yu Mou met at a gathering of friends. The two fell in love at first sight, and they got married in less than two months. In fact, Wang Nan knew before marriage that Yu had been sitting in prison for 8 years, but she felt that she was very honest. He also said that he was young and ignorant. After the marriage, Wang Nan learned from a parent that Yu had a debt problem of more than 2 million yuan, mainly due to his business failure, profligacy and gambling.

When Wang Nangang was sent to the hospital, Yu had also “closely observed” her situation and threatened her not to let her tell the truth, otherwise she would move further to kill her and her children. Wang Nan discussed with the medical staff to let them stop their husbands’ visits before taking the opportunity to explain the truth to the police. Through preliminary investigations, the Thai police determined that the victim was pushed down the cliff by his husband and deliberately created the illusion that his wife had fallen to the cliff, in order to possess the wife’s property of 10 million yuan.

In life, many of us are also like this. Although we have found more and more problems in the process of getting along with each other, we always believe that he or she will become better for love, but reality has given us time and time again. The cruel blow. So, if it is you, what should I do? Believe that your lover will change for you?

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I believe that no one is perfect, how can we give up love 7% because of mistakes?

Do not believe, the nature is difficult to move, some serious mistakes will commit another 37%

It’s hard to say that the story of the prodigal son and the enemies are both 54%.

The dedication of love also needs to be equal and balanced
The most obvious manifestation between the two people who love each other is the expression of the dedication of love. What cannot be ignored is that any relationship is equal and balanced. Unilateral tolerance and dedication will only make the intimate relationship unbalanced and enter a disordered state.

Some studies have suggested that the establishment of intimate relationships is less than six months, and the proportion of divorce after marriage is generally higher. If the emotional foundation of both men and women is not stable at first, it only begins with the so-called “matching and hating late”, and then they get into the marriage hall in a short time. Judging from the social psychology impression management strategy, this relationship has experienced the “first cause effect” of the impression between strangers. The first time I met, I felt particularly good, especially. Next, we must enter the “halo effect”. In order to give the other party a better impression, both parties will build themselves according to the requirements of the other party, so that the other party “sees what they want to see”, so the two parties will automatically add to each other. Halo. In short, all the information displayed by the other party is the beautiful things that you want to see, thus concealing the inner real things. If a relationship is going to last for a long time, it is not enough to have only the “first cause effect” and “halo effect”. After 6 months, or a journey and a joint project, the specific events will enable the two parties to improve communication and determine whether it is appropriate in the reality. The next step is the “proximate effect” formed by the impressions between acquaintances, that is, the impact of recent events we have said is far greater than the impact of past events. Between acquaintances, the freshness of each other is gradually lost, and what gradually emerges is the reality of the two sides in reality. Therefore, whether a relationship is stable and long-lasting, the time of getting along is very important.

The foundation for a stable and lasting relationship is trust. “I believe that the other party is good” and “I believe that the other party will get better” is not the same. In intimate relationships, trust must be equal, rather than simply sticking to the obsession of “must believe that he will get better.” Trust between each other is a comprehensive understanding, understanding and support of what the other party is doing, rather than a simple “believe” can be solved. Unilateral understanding and support will definitely be out of balance, and often the opponent’s defects will intensify until the relationship collapses.

The enduring relationship of a close relationship requires three parts: love, attachment and understanding. Love is the foundation; attachment is the mutual support of the two sides, and it is inseparable; understanding is a comprehensive understanding of what the other party is doing and giving certain support. And if a party has had a serious violent crime, it needs to be carefully considered.

If you are in love with an unbearable partner, if you want to have a stable and lasting relationship, please pay attention to it. First, before establishing an intimate relationship, give both parties enough time and space to get along. “It’s easy to get in love and get along very hard.” Being intimate with each other for a long time will give each other a good chance to better understand each other, including the details of life and Emotional performance, even more exposure and understanding of each other’s family. The second is to listen to the opinions and suggestions of parents based on actual conditions, or to get along with each other. This will help both parties to better understand whether each other is accepted by the family and whether they can integrate into each other’s families more quickly. We should profoundly understand that love is a matter for two people, and marriage is a matter for two families. Third, the most important thing is to observe the emergency emotions and coping styles of both sides in the face of difficulties and setbacks. A more mature individual, the more stable the emotional performance, the fact that things will not let their state fall into the mood, but have appropriate emotional catharsis, but the main energy will closely surround the event development, not just falling into Emotions can’t extricate themselves. This is the “reality” in psychological counseling, and the importance of helping individuals “live in the present”! This may be the most authentic look you will get along with in the future.

Life can’t be without difficulties and setbacks. As long as it is better than once in the face of difficulties and setbacks, and once matures, it means that mutual trust is mutual, not imbalanced. This is what a good and lasting intimacy looks like.