My parents are all local farmers in northern Shaanxi. The sisters of our children are the biggest, the brothers are six, and I am the fourth, born in 1954.
From the time I went to the army, I didn’t seem to have eaten a few meals. Until now, when my stomach was hungry, my heart panicked, thinking that it was hypoglycemia, a check, normal – this is the problem that I was afraid of when I was young. .
The old family has poor natural conditions, relying on the heavens to eat, and wide-ranging the harvest. In the face of natural disasters, there is no grain, and food has to rely on state relief.
As the saying goes, “Half-size child, eat dead Laozi”, when our brothers are long body, the stomach is like a bottomless pit, and they will never fill up, and they will feel hungry all day long. The mother had to carefully count, quantify the pot, and then distribute it evenly. Sweet potatoes can only be divided into two at a time, and the careful mother size is given to us, and she always eats the smallest and the worst.
Although the rural areas in northern Shaanxi are poor and backward, the production teams divide the grain according to the work, and the farmers still have the freedom to cultivate land. Therefore, those who have more labor and fewer children can basically solve the problem of food and clothing. It is said that we don’t have to go hungry, but our parents have made a great wish, not letting our six sons go to school. There are many people in the family. Only the father has a strong labor. When he comes to the end of the year, there are more people to eat and fewer people to work. How can he not go hungry?
The school canteen is for food, and what to eat, what to eat, how much to pay, and to supply it after the collection. We can’t pay the fine grain. If we eat white noodles in the afternoon, we will buy a bowl of four-baked dough at breakfast, and use the noodle soup or boiled water to eat in the afternoon.
We always feel hungry, look forward to the night, look forward to the night, look forward to eating, often hungry and flustered, the six gods have no owner. When I was too hungry during the day, I would like to ask the master of the canteen for a little salt, put it in the water and add a little sauerkraut to hunger. When I was too hungry at night, I climbed up to the crop field and ate pumpkins, eggplants, green tomatoes and Green dates.
I remember that on a summer morning, the food I paid was finished, and there was no food. I could only hungry and waited to go home to eat. A relative asked me why I didn’t go to dinner. I told the truth. He took out a savory baguette dough from his pocket and gave it to me. As soon as I got the treasure, I swallowed a few mouthfuls, and even a little scum did not fall. After a while, I started to have a stomachache. The stomach was already empty, and the more I was getting angry, the pain was unbearable. I had to take time off to go home. I walked home for more than two hours. The mother saw me like it, and she was very anxious. She gave me a bowl of miscellaneous soup. Let me lie down and rest after eating, and dig some wild vegetables in the ground to cook water for me. After my mother’s treatment, my stomach didn’t hurt, but it didn’t slow down for a few days.
At that time, at the end of the year, each of us could not guarantee even a pair of shoes. On the way to school, as long as it is a dirt road, we take off our shoes, take them in our hands, and walk barefoot. The broken shoe pile at the commune acquisition station is our free shoe store. No matter what color, regardless of men’s shoes, women’s shoes, as long as they can be put on. The local peasants are poor, and there are shoes that can be worn and thrown? The gang can’t do it, the foundation can be used, and a little processing is a pair of shoes. Although it is neither categorical nor boring, it is better than nothing. Once, I found a red female shoe, a blue female shoe, a big dot, a small dot, put on the front exposed toe, and the back of the heel, although it is “selling ginger in front, selling duck eggs in the back” I am very happy to be able to make do with it. Unexpectedly, when I entered the classroom, I was attracted to laughter. I was so shameful that my self-esteem was greatly hurt.
Our big family lived in a hole in the cave. “Can’t eat, wear it, live tight, and owe more debt” is a summary of our family. In order to be a good poor man, not to starve to death, the mother racked her brains and saved her money. In order to give the children more food, the mother had to go to the mountains to find more “imported food.” In order to ensure that we ate safely, she always tasted it first. On several occasions, she was poisoned by eating wild vegetables. Fortunately, the poisoning was not deep, and she was rescued after being rescued.
In my memory, my mother never poured out leftovers and leftovers. Summer leftovers, leftovers are sour, the mother puts some alkali, and the heat is still eaten. Brush the pot of water, clear to the pig to eat, thick to the chicken to eat. When we were eating, if we accidentally dropped a meal on the table, the mother would not hesitate to pick it up and put it in her mouth. After the days are getting better, my mother is still like this.
From the time I remembered, my mother was sick, and she was tortured for most of my life. The lack of medicine and medicine in the mountainous areas makes it difficult for the family to have a living. There is no money to see a doctor. The mother’s way of dealing with the disease is to support it. Can’t hold it anymore, just lie down and rest for a while. When you are seriously ill, you can’t get out of bed, don’t talk about doing farm work, you can’t even eat rice. Several of our brothers started learning to cook when they were eight or nine years old. The mother looked at us poorly, often endured the sickness to cook, and fainted to the ground several times. When she was seriously ill, her mother almost reached the edge of the collapse. She sighed and said, “When can I be sick, can I raise an adult? When I am a family, I can close my eyes. …I can still live that day…” Our brothers, a few adults, have become a family, and they are a few mountains that are in the heart of their mothers. She often said: “What if the family is hungry?” The most difficult time, she had the idea of giving the five brothers a wealthy family. When people came to lead people, they would end up suffering from the flesh and blood. Apologize to others.
At that time, people in the village often had begging for food. Even though our family was poor, the mother would give them a little bit each time. She always said: “We are always stronger than the begging, at least still holding the stove. Even if we have not eaten, Burn a pot of boiling water and let him warm up.”
Mother always has a heart that can’t be finished, a god that can’t finish. Her family and relatives are all thinking about it, but the fewest things we can do are our children. Under the mother’s training, we all went far and wide, but no matter how far we went, we could not leave our mother’s concern and thoughts about us.
One year, my wife and I went home to visit relatives. The wife casually said that the jujube was delicious, and the mother secretly remembered it. In the second year, the elderly mother dragged the sick body to the mountain to pick the jujube. After drying, the person from the county town went to Yan’an, from Yan’an to Xi’an, and from Xi’an to Lanzhou. That pack of jujubes full of mother’s efforts was sent to our hands after more than a month. Every time I think about it, my heart is sour and warm.
The old saying goes: “The tree wants to be quiet and the wind does not stop. The child wants to raise and does not wait.”
When my mother was alive, I often missed my mother and worried about her warmth and coldness, but sometimes I didn’t even bother to write a letter. I often comforted myself with a thousand miles and loyalty and filial piety. After my mother died, I was deeply in my mind for my mother. I blame myself, repent, often wash my face in tears, and sometimes even cry alone. I have repeatedly prayed to God to forgive my filial piety, but after all, I can’t erase the embarrassment in my heart…
I promised my mother to take her to Beijing to see, this is the mother’s long-cherished wish – a woman who has not gone out of the poor mountain for a lifetime, a small-footed woman who came from the old society, is grateful to the party, how eager to see Look at Tiananmen Square and see the Zhongnanhai where Chairman Mao lived, but in the end, I did not realize this wish for her to achieve this.
Soon after my mother died, in order not to leave regrets for myself, I took my father to Beijing to see Tiananmen Square and Zhongnanhai. This way, my injured soul was a little comforted.
I have nothing more to do. I once thought that letting the mother who had been soaking in the hard days eat well and dressing up is the filial piety of her old man, but it is not. After my mother died, I heard from my neighbors. Once I wrote a letter to my parents, she always let others read it over and over again. When no one reads, the mother sometimes holds the letter with both hands and stays there for a long time. ……
When my mother is in critical condition, I don’t want my second brother or third brother who works in the county to tell me that I am afraid of affecting my work and future, and she has always been worried about her children! She extended her love for me to the last moment of her life. Also fixed at the last moment…