When our family was two years old in October, they were already taller than their peers.
However, he is very thin, with thin arms and legs, and has no full feeling of bulging.
Once, I took him to the community garden to play.
There are several younger brothers at the slide. They jump over a small ditch and jump over it.
Little October also wants to jump.
I encouraged him to try. He danced once or twice to the rhythm of other people’s dances, only to find that none of his brothers could jump high, jump far, or even accidentally fall down. The children next to him were laughing, and my heart suddenly felt a kind of unutterable disappointment.
I fell silent and looked at him.
This silence was felt immediately in October. He pushed me away, as if to tell me with his anger: don’t be disappointed with me.
When he pushed me, I woke up in an instant.
I think I love him, because his cleverness, beauty and bravery can make me proud. Once he is not clever, beautiful or brave, or in a word, once he cannot satisfy my vanity, love will be discounted.
This is how utilitarian love is, full of conditions and presuppositions.
In this condition, I can only see an ideal and perfect little October, not the real one.
How many parents in the world, because of the failure of this fantasy, criticize their children, scold them if they are light, and beat them if they are heavy, thus keeping them under control all the time.
And the children?
They can’t defend themselves. All they can do is push you away, just like October pushed me away.
This is not fair.
We require our children to unconditionally love and take care of themselves when they are old and sick.
Then, we should unconditionally love, take care of and accompany our child when he is young.
Only when love is unconditional can relationships be nurtured.
As a teacher, I know that the most important nutrition for a child’s growth is not imported milk powder or big tonic soup, but 100% acceptance by parents.
For example, in 2014, a student I taught had a good family background and good grades, but he was always unhappy and had few friends.
After several chats, I heard his full complaint against his parents.
For example, parents only know to let him do well in the exam and never care about his real emotion.
Only know to blame him not here, not there, not ” other people’s children” outstanding, but do not know how to accompany and encourage;
In fact, he worked very hard, but in the eyes of his parents, he had to be like a tired mouse, always running in the perfect posture to show them.
Such children are not blessed but cursed.
Every child is trying to grow up.
Because of their natural curiosity about the world and their instinctive pursuit of ” why”, they have changed three times a day and grown by leaps and bounds.
However, if you are in fantasy, give him a set:
Handsome, outstanding, strong, intelligent, loved by everyone …
Die! You ruined my child’s achievements.
Because you will never be satisfied.
Children will never satisfy you.
Every parent should know that children do not need to be compared with any ” other people’s children”.
He is unique and irreplaceable. He only needs to make progress every day and surpass himself every day to be successful.
Just like when we were young in October, we learned a word and a new language, and we were all surprised: Wow, we have grown up a little bit.
If he had learned to wear socks himself, we would also be sincerely happy and say to him: Hmmm, he has learned a little bit more skills, and the pup is working very hard …
We saw the real him.
Also accept the real him.
At the same time, I am proud of the real him.
He also felt that growth is a cool and wonderful thing, and he worked harder to meet the challenges.
He would say: I can, let me help you, let me try.
Not: I don’t want to, I don’t want to, I don’t want to try …
Every parent should put down the preset for the child, set the setting to zero, empty the expectation, and see the children’s dribs and drabs.
When you see his efforts, the child will give you more back.
When you see his growth, the child will grow more actively.
Of course, growth does not take place overnight. It requires children to stick to it bit by bit and change day by day. It also requires parents to affirm it from the heart.
If he goes to learn swimming, you should see him fluttering bit by bit.
If he goes running, you should see him go forward bit by bit.
What is acceptance?
Acceptance means that I witness your 1, your 2, and your slight progress with a zero point of view.
And these 1 and 2, I regard as the witness of your growth. No presupposition, no judgment.
Because you are me, I am me.
After the birth of Liu Yu’s child, she wrote the famous ” May you grow up well”. It was tender and touching, and almost made people cry.
However, apart from being touched, my greatest feeling after reading is that a sensible love, expressed in actions, is four words: to give you freedom.
I accept your appearance, also accept your future appearance.
I don’t want you to be the dragon and phoenix among the people, nor do I want you to be the favored one. All you need to do is let your heart call you, go ahead, try and make mistakes all the way, fight all the way, experience everything fate has given you, achieve your identity and become yourself.
You are my favorite person all the way, no matter when.
No matter how glorious you are or how defeated you are, you are my child and the most cherished treasure in my life.
I love you not because you are smart, beautiful and cute.
I love you because you are you.
This is what a normal parent should have in mind.
Long Yingtai said, son, take your time!
We, too, will take our time!