An interesting phenomenon is that the saint is right, but the man does not love.
Their eyes are chasing evil spirits that are not accepted by tradition.
For example, da ji, for example, Zhang Manyu in ” Green Snake”, for example, the vibrant women around you and me, with various amorous feelings, have no male animals to match.
The question arises.
Why do men often stay at a respectful distance from women who are more ” right” and have been pursuing more ” right”?
Psychologist Betty said that in the relationship between two people, especially when there are conflicts or different ideas, if one person has to prove that he is right all the time, the other person will be put in an incorrect position.
No boy is willing to face a ” perfect” woman every day to prove that he is wrong, stupid and failed.
This is a competitive relationship, and competition will not make us love each other more.
What do we really need?
It is a free flow of emotion, a joyful experience and a flowing vitality.
However, if you only pursue ” right” and ” right” in your life, you will become a middle-aged person in a close relationship.
You will control yourself.
At the same time also can control others.
I have an acquaintance, over 40 years old, who is very traditional.
In life, everything requires meticulous attention.
You must not make any noise when eating. You must hold chopsticks at 3 / 4 places. You can only eat what you eat in front of you. You must get up at 6 o’clock in the morning and go to bed at 10 o’clock in the evening. You must put what you take back and talk to others. There are a lot of strict requirements. You must say what you can, what you can’t say, and you must not cross the line. You must communicate with the opposite sex. There are even more rules.
Yes, everyone said of her, ” there is no defect.”
However, what did her daughter say about her?
” A right zombie.”
The 14 – year – old daughter unexpectedly deviated from her mother’s expectation and became an extremely rebellious person.
She did everything her mother wouldn’t let her do. My mother thought it was right. She didn’t do anything.
She smoked, went to bars, got tattoos, got involved with teenagers, and got poor grades. However, when her mother tried to lecture, she turned a deaf ear: ” I’m tired of hearing your story.”
” But I was right,” the mother was indignant.
” You are right, but you are not human.”
Of course, the mother would not listen to her daughter. She only thinks that her daughter has become bad, unfilial and ungrateful, which has disappointed her. Therefore, there is great resentment.
She would not think that extremely correct control would not produce correct results.
No one can stand living in a mold, nor can anyone stand a person who has only the right standards and no empathy.
Later, her husband also went out of his way.
The other party is a woman who is completely wrong.
However, it has the charm of seduction and vigorous style.
She cried and asked her husband, ” why do you love a bitch when I am so good?”
The husband said, ” Because she is more like a person.”
This is really cruel, but it also reminds us that the most important thing in a relationship is not right or wrong, but feeling.
When you set standards all the time, others will feel controlled.
When you always emphasize ” I am right”, it means ” you are wrong” and the two are no longer together but enemies.
As a result, the relationship naturally cannot be harmonious.
Therefore, people who really understand marriage all know that love is more important than right and wrong.
Yin Jianli, a well-known child-care expert, has written articles on ways to resolve differences with her husband.
She said: If they want to quarrel, they had better avoid the children. If you can’t avoid it, then restrain yourself and don’t frighten the children.
Sometimes, they also invite children to do justice.
If the husband is wrong, he will admit it immediately. If he is really angry, she will take the initiative to reconcile and end the quarrel as soon as possible.
Her principle is that home cannot become a arena. The family must always accept everyone warmly.
It doesn’t matter who is right or wrong in her family.
The important thing is to make everyone in the family feel loved.
A good family environment is actually much more important than judging right and wrong.
Third – class parents have been fighting, but first-class parents have long understood that fighting cannot produce results but only emotions.
Because, when we fall into the dispute of right and wrong, it is not a peaceful communication, but a kind of right to speak.
You don’t care if I’m wrong.
All you care about is whether you give up, obey or listen to me.
This deviates from the essence of communication.
You are trapped in your own logic, unable to hear each other, only talking to yourself angrily. In the end, it will only be louder than who, even harder than whose fist.
Fu Peirong, a well-known Taiwanese scholar, said: ” Without a good family environment, it is difficult for a person to develop a normal life.”
A good family environment starts with good communication.
When you try to let go of right and wrong, you may get unexpected results.
When you come home late after working overtime, when you push the door open, the floor is dirty, there is no food, no water, the husband is slumped in bed playing games, and the child has been hungry for food.
When you get angry, you open your mouth and scold, ” This is dead, isn’t it?”
Your husband caught a glimpse of you and said, ” oh, it’s amazing to have an extra shift. when you go home, you’ll play the queen mother down a peg or two, but you’re the queen mother and no one has time to wait on you!”
You’re starting to pull your voice out and try your best to prove yourself right.
” Why, you leave work so early, let you cook some food at home, and wrong! I usually cook and mop the floor. What did I say? Let you do it once, you are unwilling and unwilling. You don’t consider me, also consider the child, irresponsible, don’t care about others, you scum, how to be a father! ”
At this moment, your husband began to rub against each other.
” I’m not tired? You also sit in the office, what about me? For the sake of this family, I ask for people like grandchildren everyday. I came home early and wanted to have a rest. I was cursed by you! Have you tasted my feelings? Every day is just a complaint. Those who go up to the top are just like mental derangements. ”
In other words, both of them are proving their own rationality and the other is unreasonable.
However, we also know that such disputes are harmful. In the long run, feelings will inevitably break down.
Because everyone has been far away from the facts and has made it the most important thing to defeat each other in language.
However, it is already impossible for a wife’s eager husband to help cook and clean the house together.
But what if we communicate in a different way of love?
When his wife entered the door, she was very angry at the sight of the ground.
She walked up to her husband and said, ” I’m really angry.”
That is to say, she is not judging, not belittling the other party, but only expressing her feelings truthfully.
At this time, the husband did not feel trampled.
The husband also calmly asked, ” What’s the matter?”
” The ground is too dirty, the house is very messy, the children didn’t eat, I really felt uncomfortable.”
Yes, she has been expressing ” I” without exaggeration or belittle.
But the husband did not meet the emotional obstacles, he naturally saw the real her. He knew that she was dissatisfied and needed his help.
So he stood up and hugged her: ” I’m sorry, I’m too tired to come back today, what should I do?”
She also hugged him back and said, ” You cook, I’ll tidy up and get something to eat for the baby.”
Then they don’t start doing things naturally.
The dispute was thus resolved.
And love, has been flowing between them.
Yes, there are many problems between husband and wife, but the most important problem is actually communication.
The essence of communication is to let each other understand each other and see each other in freedom and equality. Therefore, we must ensure that our expression is true, not exaggerated and without judgment.
When you want to say ” I want your hug”, please don’t say ” you don’t know love at all”;
When you want to say ” I need you to earn more money, so I will feel more secure”, please don’t say ” why are you so bad, you don’t have any skills, you only know how to play games”;
When you want to say ” I don’t like your cold violence”, please don’t say ” your best skill is to treat me as a dead person.” ……
When you let go of your judgment, your right and wrong heart, your desire to win or lose and your desire to attack, and face your partner with your true feelings and love, 90% less disputes and 200% more pleasure will be lost in your intimate relationship.