At the end of the year, everyone will be one more year old, at least the virtual year is like this.
Growing old and maturing are often two different things. Some people are still huge babies in their 40s and 50s, while others are already very mature in their 20s. They can become role models in all aspects of behavior, speech, behavior and people.
I have a puzzle, that is, why most Chinese people always regard tact as maturity and high EQ as knowing how to take part in accidental amusement. It seems that everyone is very happy to study the relationship between people, one behind the scenes is another, and then laments the hypocrisy and social nonsense of others.
I don’t know about the environment around you, but I carefully observe the people around me and find that there are very few people who are willing to analyze themselves and study themselves.
Rather than thinking alone, they prefer to push a cup and change their boast in the wine market, especially during the New Year. And then pretend to be very mature, always give others ” advice”, but basically won’t listen to what others say – this phenomenon is not only not mature, or even stupid.
The real maturity, in essence, still knows how to handle your relationship with yourself – this is the basis for you to handle all relationships.
From this perspective, the real maturity of human beings begins with these five ” losses”.
First, lose ” hope”
Most of our pain comes from disappointment and disappointment to others. The source of disappointment is also hope. The essence of hope is to demand and control others.
For example, to expect others to be nice to you, to expect others to warm you, to expect others to help you, in many cases, will bring you disappointment. Because in the end, you will find that you rarely can count on others.
Although human beings are human beings, you’d better not regard yourself as human beings – you should regard yourself as a wild animal. Wild animals are facing harsh natural environment, natural enemies and hunger. Who can they expect? Whether it’s hunting or running for your life, you often have to rely on yourself. The essence of human existence is the same.
What mature people should lose most is their expectation of others. This is not a negative or sentimental remark, but a positive self – alert. You can be tolerant and friendly to others, but don’t expect others to be generous and kind to you.
For everything others give you, it is a luxury. One must cherish it and the other must be grateful. The foundation is to rely on oneself.
Second, lose your temper
Angry temper doesn’t look so terrible. Who hasn’t lost his temper yet? However, anger is accompanied by angry words.
Angry remarks are much more terrible, ” good words are warm in three winters, bad words hurt people and cold in June” is not without reason. Often you have been kind to a person for several years or more, but if you say something hurtful at one time, people will hate you, and everything that was good before may be lost.
Take me for example, if a person is kind enough to help me finish college, but there is a conflict with him after I graduate, when he gets angry, he will say, ” helping you finish college is the most regretful thing I have ever done in my life”. as long as this sentence is uttered, no matter how it apologizes or explains, the scar in my heart is very hard, and it is still hard to recover to softness – because it really hurts people.
According to my observation, the truly capable and mature people around me basically live like bodhisattvas. They always keep quiet and don’t lose their temper. Even if they lose their temper, they won’t say anything hurtful.
Friends, don’t say anything hurtful, such as revealing people’s shortcomings, such as all hurtful self – esteem. Once these words are spoken, it is really difficult to establish a good relationship.
Of course, it is almost impossible to completely quit emotions and temper. No matter how high your EQ is or how good your temper is, there will always be times when you lose control. However, learning to take the initiative to seek reconciliation after venting is also an important criterion for judging whether a person is mature – many relationships are destroyed from both sides that hurt each other, and no one has taken the initiative to apologize.
Third, losing the desire to talk
In this world, no one likes to hear others talk, including psychologists who have received money to help with treatment. This is not difficult to understand, because from another angle, do you like to hear others talk? Do you like to hear endless and garrulous talk?
Therefore, you can’t stand your hardship unless you have to. You still have to digest it yourself. Growth, on the other hand, is to continuously raise the ” intolerable” standard line. Maturity, however, means that the ” intolerable” standard line is so high that it can hardly be touched once in a year.
Pouring out may make you feel better. If you have been pouring out and want to pour out all the time, on the one hand, of course, it means that you are really uncomfortable. On the other hand, it may indicate that you are still too blx.
Life is often unhappy, and you are not alone.
Fourth, the loss of complaints
Complaining is, to a large extent, throwing the pan. For example, if a person complains to you about her husband every day, you may sympathize with her at first, but after a long time, will you feel as if she also has problems and there are many problems.
Mature people have a great characteristic, that is, they have a strong ability of introspection. The more self-reliant people are, the more inclusive they are. People say they are not good, and their first reaction is not to go back and get angry, but to review themselves first.
If you don’t talk about others, take yourself as an example. If you complain less now than before, find yourself with more shortcomings, and have a stronger desire to improve yourself, will you also feel that you are better than yourself in the past, and will you also feel that you are more mature than before?
Fifth, lose ” you should”
It’s too easy to evaluate a person or thing. It’s something everyone can do. For example, if you watch a movie, an article, or a person, you can just watch it, even if you don’t even watch it, you can evaluate it casually, which is too easy.
Seeing others do something that doesn’t suit one’s own mind, the first reaction in my mind is ” what should you do?” For example, when you hear a friend tell you about the pain of marriage, your first reaction is ” you should divorce”. For example, when your husband loses his mobile phone, your first reaction is ” you should take good care of your mobile phone” – this is easy, but it cannot solve any problem.
Mature people seldom casually say who ” should do what”. At the very least, before ” you should”, there is a process of ” why should this happen”. They first understand the situation of others and the whole process of the matter. They can listen and listen more. They should not casually say ” you should”.
To put it another way, in fact, you also hate how people say ” you should” to you. So, don’t do what you don’t want to do to others.
What people and things do you hate? Write them down and reflect on them. Don’t let yourself become a person you hate. This is the way to maturity.
To improve one’s character and self-cultivation is, on the one hand, to make oneself a more likable person. Of course, if you don’t care whether you are liked or not, it’s okay. That is another aspect – to improve your character and self – cultivation, the more peaceful your mind is, the more carefree your life will be.
Is it important to live happily? It’s very important. Because the more you grow up, the more you will understand that living in this world, you basically cannot change the world, and it is very difficult for you to change other people. Only when you are cruel to yourself, build yourself and shape yourself, can you find a paradise of your own in this messy world.
What makes people mature gradually is constant loss, while the most valuable loss is the loss of those instinctive, personal and harmful mentality and behaviors.