In the process of your efforts, have you encountered any of the following problems:
I really want to make myself better, but I always can’t do what I want.
Want to do something, but as if there is something involved in their own actions;
I feel inferior, clumsy in eloquence, and I have not changed my efforts.
Why is this so?
In the final analysis, it is your inherent character that limits you. When you cannot get rid of the influence of your inherent character, you cannot take any further steps to make yourself better.
In other words, your current role is the fetter that restricts your progress. In order to solve the problem of intrinsic characteristics, we need to use specific methods.
And this method is to adjust your role.
What is the self-role effect?
Because of the rush, I tried to go to my work destination twice.
The first time I was in a hurry to take a bus, I found the driver was driving very slowly, so I reminded him if he could drive faster, I would be late before 2 o’clock.
The young brother gently responded to me by saying, ” Are you in a hurry? Then I’ll drive faster now. I drive very fast at ordinary times, but I am afraid of complaints from guests, so I drive very carefully when there are people. ” Say that finish, and then he stepped on the accelerator. To be honest, the driving skills are quite good.
And the second time I was in a hurry to take the bus, similarly, the driver was driving very slowly, and I reminded him again. This time, the driver’s response was much more special. he said, ” are you in a hurry? Early on! I am a fast driver. I am called Fujiwara Toyama. I know how good I am by my name. Sit down, lest my drift frighten you! ” After that, he stepped on the accelerator and ran to his destination.
What inspiration do these two things give me?
The two drivers gave different responses to my same words. However, their response to my request has the shadow of two different roles: one is quiet and restrained, the other is warm and humorous.
They used the way their role should be, saying what their role should be. Just as if you were a general, you would certainly use the tone of a general to issue a commander to a soldier. You are an emperor, and you are sure to convey your will to your ministers in the same manner as an emperor. Otherwise, what kind of decency would it be to speak like a eunuch?
This is the psychological self-role effect. A person’s self-role will bring about corresponding changes in his words and deeds.
Many twins are exactly the same in appearance and age, but one of them plays the role of elder brother and sister while the other plays the role of younger brother and sister. Therefore, each other’s words and deeds are displayed in the position of that role.
It can be said that a person’s self-role is how to position, then this position will influence them to make corresponding words and deeds with corresponding roles.
The question is, how did this role come about?
Limitations of Self – Role on You
If you are not too satisfied with your current self, or feel inferior, or introverted, or timid, perhaps it is your self-role that limits you and makes you behave accordingly.
How is the self-role established?
In the process of interaction between human beings and social activities, various kinds of feedback will be received, collated, interpreted and output by our brains, thus becoming part of our thoughts.
Generally speaking, three social interaction modes can enable us to establish our own roles.
1, through the increase in external conditions, and immediately get changed self – positioning
You were originally a single person, and then talked about a girlfriend, you became someone else’s partner, in the eyes of others, you are a person with objects.
This change of role will change immediately with the increase of external conditions.
For example, a poor man suddenly won 5 million yuan, so his position on his own role changed from poor to rich.
Then he took the role of ” rich man” and showed corresponding words and deeds. He spoke grandiloquently, bought luxury cars, bought villas and spent a lot of money.
However, this role is only a short-term change and belongs to the change of the external self, while the internal self remains at the previous ideological level. Maybe his own level is not good enough, some of his behaviors will show low quality and ill – bred, like yelling at the airport and commanding people of lower social status.
To some extent, the nouveau riche is the name of the dislocation behavior caused by the self-role transformation.
2, through long-term self – accumulation, according to social evaluation and self – positioning
For example, Ma Yun, through a series of leaps, has changed from an ordinary person to a rich person. This self-orientation has been accumulated over a long period of time from the interaction of social activities. People who basically know who Ma Yun is do not have much objection to his role as a rich man.
This kind of role change cannot be achieved in a short period of time. It takes time as a cost and some resources in your hands to improve this social evaluation. Therefore, the positioning of this role will generally be relatively firm.
3, in the process of growth, interaction with people to obtain self-labeling positioning
During your growth process, different social interaction modes due to environment, family education and other factors have had some impact on you, so you may gradually become a confident and courageous person or an introverted person with low self – esteem.
This kind of self-role orientation is obtained from this interactive process by subtle influence.
For this role, everyone who knows you knows what kind of person you are. We have more or less heard others’ comments on our roles: he is so brave. It turned out to be the boy who didn’t speak with confidence. He is stupid in everything he does.
This type of self-role orientation is not necessarily true. It is purely a ” labeling” approach to our overall classification by the outside world. Even parents can hardly fully understand our potential abilities.
Ma Yun is also often said that he looks like an alien and will not achieve great things. Has he stopped because of this? One is a person who plays the role of younger brother in family relations, will he never become the leader of others?
Think about it and you will know the answer.
However, many people’s behavior may be limited by this role and show corresponding behavior. Since I am a useless person and there is no value in doing anything anyway, I simply abandon myself and continue to play this role conscientiously.
Think about it. Does your current self-role show corresponding behavior?
If you don’t feel satisfied, does it mean that this self-role has created many restrictions for you?
You clearly hope that you can stand in front of people and talk with confidence in Kan Kan, but your self-role makes you behave introverted and timid all the time, and you don’t even have the courage to speak. You obviously want to be welcomed by others, but the behavior shown by your self-role makes people around you more and more annoying.
When you are unable to realize this, your inherent self-role will always restrict you, resulting in that you cannot change yourself and make progress no matter how hard you try.
If you want to change this, you must use the third way of social activities to acquire a new self-role and re-position yourself appropriately.
New Self – Roles Actively Adjusted and Acquired
The personality of a person is Qian Qian, but there is no difference between good and bad. It depends on whether your personality can meet the requirements of various social activities.
When the role created by your personality does not meet the requirements of social activities, then you will be easily rejected or unable to accomplish what should be done.
For example, the pursuit of girls requires you to have a humorous, cheerful, positive and enthusiastic self – role, but you have been using that introverted, shy, timid and wooden self – role, so you cannot cope with such social activities. But this role is a very good one when you need to study hard and do research quietly.
Another example is that you are a very powerful supervisor in the company. However, when you return home, you need to be a father and husband in order to build a harmonious family. If you can’t do these roles and don’t know how to do them, or if you use the role of supervisor to go home and get along with your wife and children, then there will definitely be problems.
In order to better solve this problem, you need to establish a new self – role.
Establishing a new self-role does not mean that you can acquire a completely new self by splitting your personality. Instead, on the premise of your existing role, add some characteristics of other roles and act accordingly.
This approach is not very different from playing role-playing games, but the application of steps will be deeper.
This step can be divided into four steps.
First, find out the suitable self-role orientation
You were originally a gentle and restrained person, which made you wild all of a sudden. It was not impossible, but it was too difficult and unnecessary.
However, if you are originally a gentle person, it is much easier to become a gentle humorist after adjusting your role.
In other words, you are usually too gentle to joke. But after the change, you are still a gentle person, just add some generous, relaxed and natural characteristics, let you joke in a gentle way, then this new self-role is more suitable for you.
Everyone’s character is different, what kind of person you want to be, you also have your own pursuit. A role that suits others may not suit you. If you are not satisfied with your current role, you have to think about what kind of new role you want.
If you don’t even know what kind of person you want to be, no matter how hard you struggle, it is difficult for you to have a clear plan of action to make progress.
Therefore, before changing, you should first think about what kind of self-role you have now. What kind of new self-role do you want to have next?
Note that you must also be very clear about what this new self-role looks like, not vaguely, not at all clear, and it is best that there is a fixed reference object in reality.
Only when you know clearly what the new role is like can you possibly change in that direction.
The second part distinguishes the words and deeds of the old role from those of the new role.
If your old character does not speak with confidence, then the new character must have confidence. You must understand these differences clearly.
For example, when introducing yourself to everyone, your old self-role said in a small voice and timidly, ” uh … hello everyone!” I’m … I’m Chen Xiaoming, and I’m very glad to be here … uh, to meet you, I think my experience can help you, should be, so … thank you! ”
As for the new role, you should know how to say it, that is, be generous, confident and loud. For example:
Hello, everyone in front of the TV and the audience, I am Chen Xiaoming, and I am very glad to meet you here. In the following time, I will share with you my struggle. I hope these experiences can help inspire you. Thank you! ”
Only when you know the difference between the old and new roles can you replace those old bad behaviors with new good ones. If you don’t even know your confident posture, it will be difficult for you to get rid of your insecure posture.
Therefore, when you do a good job in the new self-role positioning, the second step is to distinguish the differences between the old and new roles. The old role is to do this, you know this is not good, then correspondingly, the new role you must also know, how to do is good.
With this basic understanding, you can proceed to the third step.
The third step is to start acting privately with a new self – role
Although psychology has not yet come to a definite conclusion as to whether words and deeds affect psychology or whether psychology affects words and deeds, at least the theory that can be proved at present is that both can have mutual effects on each other.
In other words, if you want to acquire a completely new self, you will use the attitude of a new self role to act and use your actions to affect your psychology, thus changing the state of your whole person.
For example, when you talk to others, you usually show a lack of confidence and confidence. Now, you have to practice in private and make your speech with a confident and confident attitude. You used to walk with your head down in the dumps, but now you walk with your head up and your eyes sharp and get used to this new feeling.
If you have the analysis of the second step, you will know what it should be like to be confident, full of energy and with your head held high. This way, even from those who learn from the reference object, can also get to know.
As the two Didi drivers mentioned at the beginning of my article, the first is a restrained response to my request, and the second is a lively response. When you start acting with a new role, you must consciously use new behaviors to show the corresponding role.
There is a saying that you want to be what kind of person you want to be, you should act in that way. This shows that you cannot continue to respond to the outside world in the old way, otherwise it will be difficult to change yourself.
For example, when people joke with you that ” you are nothing special”, the response from your old self-role may be faltering, hesitating, trying to refute but not daring to refute.
Now, your new role does not respond this way. You have to respond to this sentence in a new way, saying: ” People who are close to Mexico are black. If you stay with people like you for a long time, you will become stupid even if you are smart.”
For example, when you are alone at ordinary times, you just listen quietly and say nothing. Now through the new role, when listening to songs, I sing enthusiastically and cheer up. Don’t suppress yourself.
At any time, we should act in a new role and get used to this different behavior in private.
The fourth step, a lot of practice to consolidate the new role
Many people do some things and find that they have tried so hard for dozens of times, but they still have nothing to gain, so they choose to give up and continue feeling that they are not as good as those who take the first place.
In fact, these so-called ” efforts” and ” dozens of times” are almost insignificant in the eyes of those who are really powerful. Do you think you’ve done it dozens of times already?
But do you know that this ” dozens of times” only accounts for one-third or even one-fifth of the number of actions taken by those powerful people? They have done it hundreds of times, even thousands of times.
So when you feel that you have tried your best and want to give up, think about it, how many times have you repeated it? Without such a large and sustained investment, it is basically very difficult for you to get a jump at once.
If you really think that the old self-role limits you a lot and you want to change and make yourself better, from now on, build a new self-role and then put in a lot of practice to consolidate this role!
As the saying goes, if one does not take too many small steps, one will not be able to reach even a thousand miles.
As long as you have new roles to play every day, it won’t be long before you will surely feel the changes in your inner characteristics and will become better and better.
Of course, any method must be combined with its own situation to use, do not apply mechanically!