My father is a tea farmer. He grows and sells tea for a living. The income he earns is barely enough to support my family, plus my younger siblings and me to study.
My father sells tea everywhere, and the place he visits most is Jiangcheng. Jiangcheng is far from my home. At two or three in the morning, my father had to pick up the tea load and set off in the dark. Walk first, then take the boat, and finally take the car. After entering the city, sell it along the street. If the tea can’t be sold out that day, you have to stay overnight in the bridge cave in Jiangcheng.
When I take the college entrance examination, I still estimate the score and fill in the volunteers, and the candidates need to fill in the volunteers before the scores are announced. I felt that I did a good job in the exam. I was able to go to a good university. I took the form to go home and asked my father where to fill out the best university. Father blurted out: “Jiangcheng, it’s big and beautiful! Every time I go to sell tea, I want to stay there in my dreams.”
Speaking of Jiangcheng, his father’s eyes were shining, and he described Jiangcheng’s “big and beautiful” in a vivid and cheerful manner-there is a building next to each other; there are buses that run fast; there are nights It shines like rows of street lights during the day; there are restaurants, shopping malls, movie theaters… “If you go to Jiangcheng for the exam, Dad will wake up with a smile when he falls asleep.”
I have never been to Jiangcheng. The farthest place I have been to is the county seat where I study. The county seat is very small, far from the size of Jiangcheng. My father’s words made my heart fascinated, and I did not hesitate to fill in Jiangcheng’s university.
I was admitted successfully, and came to the university to register in September. Jiang Cheng was as beautiful and prosperous as my father said. It opened my eyes and was extremely happy.
But this joy did not last long. When I mentioned the results of the college entrance examination, all the new students from the province were stunned. They said that my grades can be applied to those well-known key universities in Beijing and study the best majors! Their high school classmates who scored lower than mine were admitted.
Soon, I learned from the counselor that I was the highest score admitted to the school that year. “Why didn’t you fill in the key universities in Beijing, and fill in our little-known provincial university? What a pity!” the counselor regretted, “Jiangcheng is so different from Beijing!”
I don’t believe it. I made a special trip to Beijing on the National Day to see those key universities. After I came back, I was completely stunned.
I lay on the bed in the dormitory and fell asleep. I felt that God made a huge joke with me, and the person who helped it develop was actually my father.
But my father, based on his insight and vision for most of his generation, thought that there could not be a city more beautiful, bigger, and more suitable for me than Jiangcheng. He said that what is invisible and invisible in Beijing is not a place where children in rural areas can stay where they want to stay. There is a lot of money there.
I wanted to retake the exam, but he disagreed, saying that my younger siblings are also in school, and there is no more money for me at home. I had no choice but to admit my fate, with resentment towards my father, dissatisfaction with the status quo, and self-defeating myself, I spent four years in college in a muddled manner.
After graduation, I stayed in Jiangcheng. My father still often came to sell tea, sometimes he would eat a meal at my house, and occasionally stay for one night. From beginning to end, we kept silent about filling in the volunteers that year.
I thought it would be impossible for my father to go to Beijing in this life. Until one year when he fell ill, Jiangcheng and the provincial capital could not be cured, so I had to take him to Beijing for treatment. It was the first time my father came to a real big city, the first time he took the subway, the first time he saw high-rise buildings that pierced into the sky, and the first time he walked into the homes of beautiful Beijing residents—it was one of my high school A classmate, who was admitted to Beijing during the college entrance examination, had a successful career and was one of our classmates.
But my father’s illness was finally gone and it was hard to recover. After half a month, I had to take him back to Jiangcheng. At the Beijing Railway Station, my father who was silent all the way took my hand suddenly: “Dad can’t help you. You could belong to this place. It’s our poor family, Dad’s narrow vision and short-sightedness, which ruined your good fortune. future……”
At that time, my father had been tortured for a long time because of his illness, and he was already skinny, and he didn’t even have the strength to speak. But he still exhausted all his strength to express the guilt in his heart. I comforted him and said, don’t blame you! Then he turned around and went to the toilet, for fear that he would see the tears I couldn’t stop.
I had imagined that my father would admit to me one day, but I didn’t expect it to be in Beijing in the last days of his life.
My heart knot opened. After my father passed away, I actively recharged my studies. Two years later, I was admitted to a public institution in the provincial capital and left Jiangcheng.
Strangely speaking, in the provincial capital, I often miss Jiangcheng. I go back every year to walk the streets and lanes where my father used to sell tea, and the bridges and caves where I slept at midnight. Many years later, my son was admitted to a prestigious school in Beijing, and settled in Beijing after graduation, which made up for my regret.
In fact, when I became a father, I forgave my father in my heart: Jiangcheng is the best and most beautiful city he has ever seen. He strongly recommended his children to this city, isn’t it the best fatherly love? What’s more, he has to think about other children.
My father does not have clairvoyance. His vision and knowledge is a ruler of limited length. However, every scale on this ruler has been seen by him and measured by himself. This ruler may not make me penetrating. Cheng Wanli even fettered me by mistakes, but in my father’s eyes, it was already nine days to capture the moon. It was the most beautiful country he could give me love. What can I not forgive him?